Normally, I’m not one for any kind of book that even vaguely resembles “self help”…not that I don’t think I’m in need of help, of course; I’ll take all the help I can get ! It’s just that I’m naturally skeptical and tend not to believe everything I read, and while I very much enjoy reading other people’s stories I don’t automatically find relevance to my own life in them (I’m secretly convinced everyone is more fabulous and together than I am; definitely a sort of “imposter syndrome” .) There are some books, though, that are the exception to that rule; here are two that have profoundly changed my life over the last year. Maybe because they’re not really self help…more memoirs. Whatever you call them, they both really, really spoke to me – so I’d like to share them here.
The first one – the one that really set me on my journey – was Brittany Gibbons' “Fat Girl Walking” Brittany Gibbons is a blogger (I’ve followed her for a long time; www.brittanyherself.com), body image advocate, and basically all around gorgeous hella-cool chick; I devour every word she writes like it’s going out of style. Her first book came out a few weeks after I had joined Weight Watchers…of course, I already had it on pre-order since well before my decision to join WW. As soon as I got it I immediately stayed up late to read it, alternating between tears, exclamations, and not a small amount of smiling. Here was someone who had gone through so many of the same things I had – not feeling good enough or worthy enough, sabotaging my own health and happiness to do what I thought other people wanted just so they would (I hoped) love me and accept me. Things that I thought I was the only person that did…turns out it wasn’t just me. It was a revelation, and a wake-up call, and - I firmly believe - a huge reason I was successful in my weight loss journey.
At first, it seems like it would be counter-intuitive – how could a book about learning to accept my body at the size it was help me on the path I had chosen to lose weight ? Well, funny thing about that…it turns out that was exactly what I needed in order to make it different this time. I needed to learn to love myself at any size; to know that even as big I as I was I was beautiful, sexy, and deserving of love (especially - and most importantly - from myself.) That even if I never lost another pound I was worthy of being out there in the world (in a bikini if I wanted, a la Brittany) and that I didn’t have to compare or compromise myself to anyone. There were people in my life that already loved me like I was; time for me to join their ranks. And as a result of this massive bit of self-introspection I allowed enough love into my life to carry me through the past year of weight loss; it was so strong that it finally helped me to make my health a priority in a meaningful way. Not to improve my looks – because I now truly understand that my looks were perfectly fine before, and I’ve loved how I look every step of the way – but my health. I feel confident enough to have picked a goal weight well above the WW range (with my doctor’s input and approval), because it’s the right weight for me – it’s where I feel the most beautiful. Plus, I still get to eat the food I love (in moderation)…which brings me to the next book.
The second book that changed my life – the perfect bookend to Brittany’s, at least for me – was Andie Mitchell’s “It Was Me All Along”. Like Brittany, Andie is a blogger (http://www.andiemitchell.com ) ; however, in her case I read her book before discovering her blog. The book had been mentioned in my WW meeting and I had dutifully written it down and forgotten it – until I happened upon it by chance at a bookstore in the Detroit airport during a layover this past February. Once again, I found myself reading this whole book immediately, then reading it again…because, like Brittany’s, this book spoke to my life. Very similar upbringings (only the Boston suburb was different) and relationships – and pretty much EXACTLY the same relationship with food; a love of not only eating it, but cooking it in large quantities (especially, rich, indulgent, sigh-inducing foods) as a way of showing my love for other people. This whole blog is a love letter to that very principle; the idea of a Culinary Orgasm. My appreciation of good food – and love of sharing it with others – was such an ingrained, treasured part of my personality; I was so scared of changing it long-term in order to maintain my weight loss...not just could I do it, but did I truly want to ? I was also incredibly disappointed with the changes to the WW program (not to bash them here, but the new SmartPoints retool is just AWFUL for me, anyway; I lost my first 75 pounds under PointsPlus without ever gaining, so I know that one works; I’ve lost only a few since and have actually gone up a few times. SmartPoints is just not for me.) I was despairing of getting through the last couple of pounds to my goal, and maintenance didn’t sound nearly as doable with the flexibility of the program now shot (anything remotely like a treat is now so high in points that it’s nearly impossible to fit in – at least not regularly, like you could before. Occasional treats are so important- it makes it a lifestyle, not a diet. And eating them works for me – see above. But I digress…)
And then…like magic, just when I needed her…enter Andie Mitchell. Andie had lost 135 (!!!) pounds by basically changing her relationship with food…she had started on WW, but then transitioned to basically calorie-counting, which sounded much more reasonable (to me, anyway!) – at the end of the day weight loss is really about more calories out than in. Just math, really…which WW seems to have lost track of in their push to get us to make better choices. So I started counting calories in addition to points, to make sure I was really in the range I needed to be to continue losing weight…and wonder of wonders, it started coming off again and I’m now less than five pounds from goal. (Short version of why I’m doing both; I really want to get to Lifetime WW Status so I can go to meetings for free; while I don’t love the plan, I LOVE my meeting and my leader, and can’t see how I’d maintain without that support. Basically, with the calorie counting I don’t freak out about using weekly / activity points or coming in under my point total for the day as long as I stay within my calorie goal for healthy weight loss. I won’t track both forever, but it works for now...I’m hoping to get to the point where I just mentally tally without having to physically track. Unless I start to gain, of course –then I’ll track everything until I get back to where I need to be. That’s my plan, anyway…I know, it wasn’t really the short version !)
Anyway – Andie’s “Pad” Thai – I’m getting there! Andie still enjoys good food in moderation, which is exactly what I wanted to be able to do too. Her website / blog (www.andiemitchell.com ) and just released cookbook, "Eating in the Middle" are both chock full of delicious recipes; some for everyday eating, and some once-in-a-while treats. Exactly the way I want to live my life. The first dish I made from the website was the Tamale Chicken Pot Pies - these were so insanely delicious that we wolfed them all down before I could take a picture and blog them. (You should definitely go make them NOW. I’ll wait J ) )
I paused long enough with the second dish in order to get a picture for you. Believe you me; it took a lot of restraint!
The magic of this dish is in the “noodles” – there are actually no noodles in this dish. Andie substitutes shredded cabbage, which is absolutely brilliant; cabbage is super low in calories / has zero SmartPoints, so it makes this dish super helpful when you’re trying to take in less. I love Pad Thai and was stoked to find a way for it to easily fit my plan. Andie actually has two versions of this, one on her website and one in her book; I basically mashed them together, taking the parts I liked from both. I’m linking to both below; I have no doubt that each recipe exactly as written would work perfectly, so do what works for you. (I’ll also note exactly what I did at the bottom – mostly so *I* remember !! ). Basically, I used the technique from the website version as it was simpler, but incorporated some of the ingredients from the cookbook version as I liked those better (as well as working in my beloved Sambal Oelek chili paste, which just makes everything yummy.) I’ll also note that I used preshredded cabbage (like for coleslaw) as I was in a rush – which worked, but next time I’ll chop my own so I can get it longer and thinner and more noodle-like. I topped mine with some cooked shrimp to up the protein content and make it more of a main dish; this is not noted in my directions, but any cooked protein would work on this if you want to go that route (traditional Pad Thai often has shrimp, tofu, and/or chicken. As always, use what you like – or just go with the veg.)
Cookbook Version (from Oprah’s website, actually. I KNOW.) :
Andie Mitchell’s “Pad” Thai – Culinary Orgasm’s Mashed Up Version
1 ½ T soy sauce
1 ½ T fish sauce
2 t sugar
2 large eggs
1 t (or to taste) Sambal Oelek (or your favorite chili paste)
1 very small onion, thinly sliced
1 very small green bell pepper, seeded, ribs removed and thinly sliced
2 – 4 garlic cloves, minced
5 cups finely shredded green cabbage (about half a medium head)
1/4 cup fresh cilantro or Thai basil, chopped
2 T finely chopped peanuts
Lime wedges, for serving
In a small bowl, whisk together the soy sauce, fish sauce and sugar
In another small bowl, beat the eggs.
Heat a 12-inch nonstick skillet over medium-high heat and spray with cooking spray or oil (or add a small amount of vegetable or peanut oil.) Add the onion and pepper and cook, stirring frequently, until tender but still crisp, about 5 minutes. Add the garlic and cook, stirring constantly, until fragrant, about 30 seconds. Transfer the vegetables to a plate.
Spray or oil the skillet again, and add the cabbage and cook, stirring frequently, until tender but still crisp, about 5 minutes. Add the eggs and cook, stirring constantly, until just set, about 2 minutes (scramble them right into the cabbage)
Add the soy-sauce mixture and stir well to combine. Stir in the onions and peppers. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in the fresh cilantro. Top with the chopped peanuts and additional Sambal, if desired.; serve with lime wedges.